Have you ever felt let down when you finally achieved a goal you have been striving for? I was explaining to someone that the disappointment they felt on achieving a goal was due to them using only their masculine energy, action, for the process of achieving their goal. Incorporating some “being.” would completely change how you feel. In other words they were not enjoying the process or the journey to their goal. The question of how to find happiness is answered when we look internally and when we practice being present or in the ‘now’.
Genuine happiness seems to be elusive for many people. In order to find happiness, ask yourself where is your focus? For most people the answer to this question lies in the outside world. Your external focus leads to unhappiness and a continual search for an elusive and indefinable state of being. The outside world or the world around you is a mirror of yourself, your attitudes, beliefs and thoughts. The key to shaping and changing your situation is to focus on changing yourself. Look within.
Often people are searching for happiness. It is expressed as;
When I get/achieve (insert goal) that will make me happy.
I will be happy when (insert goal).
It is often material possessions and/or a soul mate that people believe will fulfill their desire and make them whole. The focus in both cases is external. Before you can form loving and intimate relationships you need to love and take care of yourself. You are treated the way your beliefs allow and the perfect partner cannot be found until you acknowledge that you are perfect because your partner reflects you. When it comes to money you earn as much as your inner worth dictates. Close observation of others will show you that many people who exceed their perceived worth creatively find ways to lose that money.
Your soul chooses to manifest into the physical body you have today, to create, express and experience. To find happiness and become whole you need to do the following things.
This Is How To Find Happiness
1. Live In The Present
Stop day dreaming your life away. Daydreams can be positive or negative, realistic or complete fantasy. The problem is that most people have no control over this faculty. If you learn to be present and strengthen this faculty you will free yourself of your day to day worries.
2. Express & Nurture Yourself.
As a human being you need to express yourself. Expression means doing what you want to do, what you feel you have to do and showing the world who you are as an individual. This is often cloaked in an emotional cloud because your path can be obscured by the powerful ‘should’ word. People often spend lifetimes doing what they should do as expressed by the wishes of their parents or society. “What will my parents think if I am the singer in a rock and roll band instead of a lawyer or doctor”. Find what you want to do as expressed by your soul. This is how you find your power and this is where happiness can be found.
Living a life that denies expression and your inner feelings means that you are not nurturing yourself and that you are suppressing your feelings. This often manifests in addictions like drugs, alcohol and overeating.The substance or behavior becomes a substitute for nurturing.
3. Love Yourself & Accept Yourself
To find happiness you need to accept yourself and to love yourself as you are today. All of us have thoughts and feelings and everyone has, or has had, what they consider ‘bad’ thoughts. We have all done things that we are ashamed of.
There is both positive and negative in you. This is also known as light and dark. You must acknowledge and accept your dark side to become whole. No matter what you have done in the past you can change your behavior today. It is pointless to wallow in your feelings of guilt as this is based on the assumption that what you did was wrong. Your behavior always has a positive intent for you, at the time.
Acknowledgment of your dark side brings light.
Here is an exercise I read in a Louise Hay book. Stand in front of the mirror, look at yourself and say “(your name), I love and accept you just the way you are.” Do this everyday. It’s surprising how many people can’t do this.
4. Set Boundaries
Boundaries are what defines your world. Many people don’t have them because;
1. They have not thought about, what they want.
2. They have defined boundaries but fail to live within them.
You need to define what is acceptable and what is not, then you need to live by this.
Here is a simple example. You work for a grumpy boss. He is rude and raises his voice to you. This happens regularly and it is not important for this example how you respond. You are unhappy and express this with negative talk to your peers. Why are you unhappy? You do not live within your boundary. You understand that this is not acceptable behavior. Your boss continues because he can.
Expressing to him in a calm manner, that you do not accept and will not put up with this behavior is setting a boundary. To live within, is to take action. He may stop, or you may leave and work somewhere else.
Not living within your boundaries is a major source of unhappiness.
5. Take Responsibility For Yourself & Your Actions.
The world around you is a mirror. It’s a mirror of everything that you think and believe. These thoughts and beliefs are what have built your world. What you think and expect, you get. The choices that are made moment to moment based on your thoughts creates your world. Look around you, into your mirror and note what you wish to change. Turn the focus within and find what this is reflecting in you. Change this aspect of you. Your world will change.
Blaming others and circumstance for your situation means you are not taking responsibility and ownership of and for yourself. Again the focus is on the external. This denial of ownership leads to a victim mentality and allows you to let the world roll by and circumstance to guide you. You will feel helpless as a result.
Don’t try to change the mirror. Change yourself.
You radiate with an energy and vibrate to a certain frequency. This vibration is set by the thoughts and beliefs you have, coupled with the emotions that surround you. Your vibration attracts like vibrations. This happens all the time without you even thinking about the process. You will change when you change something in yourself because you will then be a different person. Your world changes automatically because it is a reflection of you.
This is a great indicator for you and needs to be embraced and cherished. It is a simple process but not always easy.
To take ownership means to acknowledge that you are responsible for who you are and what you have around you. You have a choice in everything you do.
6. Slow Down
Enjoy your life but don’t try to squeeze everything in and get stressed in the process. Often when you are trying to do too much you are distracting yourself from your true feelings and direction. Busy, just prevents you from being still and listening to your inner voice. Try and do less – see what happens it’s usually positive.
7. Stop Caring What Others Think
The craving for social approval and admiration in most people is strong. If it applies to you, you may feel you are not deserving of love and approval. Your self esteem may depend on approval. Think back to the way you were raised and see if this applies to you. Your interpretation of events when being admonished by your parents or those in authority was that you were bad when you misbehaved. A different interpretation is that your behaviour was bad – not you. Being “bad” and logically then not worthy or approved of, is embedded in your subconscious mind and it takes awareness and a degree of enlightenment to undo this type of thinking.
Aymen Fares is an Intuitive Life Coach, Speaker and Author with clients all over the world. He is based in Melbourne Australia and is the editor of this web site. Find out more about Life Coaching with Aymen or join one of his Workshops by clicking on the link "Aymen Fares" above.