How To Find Your Soulmate

I have met with many clients who are looking for love and sometimes those that are spiritually inclined have a longing to meet their soulmate. In this article I am going to share with you some practical advice on how to find your soulmate. This will help you understand the process you need to go through to attract your ideal relationship. I am also going to dispel some of the romantic notions around this concept so that you are not caught in a never ending cycle of searching with no result.
We are going to work with the principle that we are all “one,” part of the same consciousness. We are one with the universe, all part of the same living energy. Technically speaking everything in the universe is your soulmate, all the people, all of nature and all man made things, as we are all part of the same whole. But who wants to hear that in an article titled how to find your soulmate? Let’s climb down a peg or two and concentrate on what happens at a more base level.

What Do You Really Want?

When people say they are looking for their soulmate, they are often just saying, I want a better relationship than what I have now or have had, in the past. They want a relationship that’s more enjoyable that reflects unity and has a sense of belonging rather than one that shows up all of the contrast in life and is considered negative.
You can’t meet who you would consider your soulmate until you have a positive relationship with yourself. You are really just looking in the mirror when you attract someone. Your world is a reflection of you and you attract what you are. In other words, your dominant characteristics, good or bad, will be reflected in those people that you attract. If I do a mental survey of all the clients I have discussed soulmates with over the past 15 years and add what I have seen in a lifetime of looking into people then one thing becomes apparent.
People who don’t find their “perfect” partner are asking for qualities that they themselves do not have. One of the reasons you haven’t met your soulmate OR you have and the relationship failed, is because you are not yet far enough down the path of your own self development to have a successful long term relationship. More on that later.

The Original Story Of Soulmates

The idea of soulmates comes from an old spiritual story that very roughly goes along the lines of the following.
Once upon a time we were created as a perfect soul. To understand the concept of self and the process of becoming one, our souls were split into two. The two halves were given a polarity difference so that they would be drawn together. This process needed a physical incarnation to be experienced and the two halves were destined to look for one another lifetime after lifetime during the process of reincarnation. The two halves had a longing for each other which would drive them forward and never be satisfied until they met. Once they met on the physical plane they could rejoin and leave this earthly existence. This story probably needs a “to live happily ever after” you can even add a “in heaven” at the end just to make it really good.
This story is a derivative of the concept of our existence, a story too long for this article. Suffice it to say that spiritually we are “one” and your mission should you choose to accept it, comprises of the process of self development until you have the ability to reach a “state of being” that enables you to rejoin with the source – let’s call it God.
how to find your soulmate

What Really Happens With Souls

In general terms, soul mate refers to a similar soul. That means someone like you. Someone who has similar issues and life lessons to learn. You attract others ‘like you’ who may appear and act differently, but when you look deeply at the underlying life issues, they are very similar to you. They are your reflection. Your soul mate or should I say ‘mates’ as you have more than one, is very close to you spiritually. You are on the same journey.
If you imagine consciousness like an ocean. The ocean is the whole and individual souls derive from families which are rivers that run into creeks – that’s you. Soulmates are generally from the same river or family. They are other souls that have an overlap of very similar character traits and desires to you. This is often hidden because you may be from different cultures and live very different lives on the surface. The underlying traits you have will be similar. If you are spiritually aware either permanently or momentarily and you meet one of these souls you will feel very comfortable and at home with this person. This doesn’t have to be a meeting with a potential romantic partner, it could be a friend.
This same feeling of familiarity occurs when you meet people that you have spent previous lifetimes with as they may be members of your soul family. When you meet someone like this in the circumstances of a romantic involvement you will feel at home and comfortable with them, but depending on what stage of your personal development you are at and how past events with that soul have played out, the relationship may not be one that is positive.
There may be multiple times in this lifetime that you meet your soulmate and each of these people have a different message for you or there may be a different scenario that needs to be resolved. You may not be romantically connected. There is just a connection and that connection could be positive or negative. It could be a teacher/ student relationship, a friendship or you may be enemies. They are all connections.
If your beliefs extend to reincarnation then these connections span many lifetimes and are often characterized with that, ‘we have met before’ feeling. Sometimes just an uncanny comfortable feeling that you can’t explain. When your soul mate comes along there is no rule that says they have to be the way your romantic ideal suggests. They may not even be of the correct sex. This often happens because your soul mates mission is to help you, not to be an ideal partner for a romance. They help you by being your reflection and showing you something about yourself. This is often painful. If the union results in pain then as so often happens your relationship with them may not survive.

The Force Of Attraction

The force of attraction exists so that you can learn from other people. Without attraction you wouldn’t be drawn to certain people and you will miss important lessons. This is how your life works and is a requirement for your spiritual journey. You learn when you have human interaction and that means people coming together. As others reflect who you are, you are able to learn.
This attraction is not exclusive to romantic relationships. You are attracted to people and places without any sexual feelings involved. Attraction is often mistaken for sexual attraction and confused with sexual energy. Conversely if there is attraction and sexual energy it doesn’t mean you have to act on the sexual impulse. You can still have a platonic relationship with that person.


Love is the energy that flows through you and everyone else. This energy is altered and distorted because you, with your mind are a filter for this energy. True love is this energy shining through a very clear filter. You clear your filter when you pursue a path of personal development and work through your emotional issues.
One of the ways to recognize love is to look around you and check to see if you love and accept the people in your life for what and who they are. Without judgment and without trying to change them to be like you. The concept of love is subjective but the degree to which you feel it, is irrelevant. You will feel that something ‘magical’ is happening when it happens, if you are ‘clear’. You achieve this state by following a path of personal development.
If you love someone it’s unconditional – or it’s not love. That means you love someone irrespective of what they do to you and regardless of any strong negative emotions you experience in your relationship with them. Once you place conditions on your love, it’s not really love it’s a business arrangement.
This is what you might say in a relationship;
“I love you as long as you ….” (eg: behave the way I want you to behave) The concept of unconditional love does not mean you stay in a relationship when it is detrimental for you. You can still love and leave.

How To Find Your Soulmate

  1. You have to be who you really are – in other words align with your true self. You will attract someone similar. You can do this by listening to your feelings – not emotion and following your true desires.
  2. You need to make a commitment to be the best you can be and travel along a road of self development. Remember you attract a reflection of yourself. The easiest way to get a great partner is to pursue your own self development. When ‘someone’ comes along, they will reflect you and you will be at your best! Therefore the chance of a great relationship is accentuated.
  3. You need to join the masculine and feminine sides of your soul in order for you to be and feel complete. This requires you to be balanced and achieve the enlightened state that allows you to transcend your ego.When you are balanced internally it is duplicated and reflected in your physical environment. That means your relationship either current or new will feel incredibly special just like you have met your soulmate. This is a reflection of the balance you have achieved internally. In other words to achieve a special relationship look internally and work on improving the flow of love from yourself. The outside world will take care of itself.
  4. You need to be at peace with being alone. That means you need to accept that being alone is a possibility and not resist this state – if you resist then you are giving this state energy and you will get more of being alone. This is a very common occurrence because it’s an easy trap to fall into. You need to stop looking – that’s an attitude – and accept things as they are now. That doesn’t mean giving up. There is a subtle balance point that you need to achieve between the two.
  5. You need to make a dramatic change in regard to self worth, self respect and approval of yourself. You are asking for a relationship that has a positive focus on you from your partner. That means that you need to have a positive focus on your self. I mean when you are focused on yourself it needs to be in a positive light.
Authors Details: How To Find Your Soulmate – Aymen Fares
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