Soulmates, what’s up with that?

How long have we listened to people say “Oh I’ve found my soul mate”! I used to be one of those believers in the whole soulmates theory – “used to” being the operative words.

The closest I’ll even come to copping to it is kindred spirits. I do believe that people share similar thoughts, desires, style, etc. But to say that they’re soul mates? I don’t think so. Sure I think we all would love to believe the whole soul mate theory. I know I appear to have a negative twist on this but it’s based on practical and recurring experiences. Soul Mates just don’t exist! Or do they?

Nope. Not buying. Can’t even rationalize the idea to myself. In fact, writing this is somewhat twisted humor. And heck, I’ve not even lived to the ripe old age of “OLD” and I know just how much of a farce finding ones’ soul mate is. It’s quite absurd.

Now I’m one that by principle looks through life wearing the rosiest of colored glasses but I’ve just had enough disillusions surrounding soul mates. And putting the laughter aside – it’s not all that funny. As a little girl I grew up dreaming about my knight in shining armor that was going to awaken me from a dream with a kiss and live happily ever after. But back to reality – we need to recognize that in a world filled with crime, hate, pollution, starvation, kids killing kids, and very few “they lived happily ever after, the end”, there is little room for the possibility that soul mates exist. So what to do? Easy – don’t go in search of it. I’m not suggesting we settle either. In fact we should never settle – it only breeds resentment. And if we’re honest and take a raw look at ourselves we’ll see that perhaps another caused the injury, but the ever-present scar is our fault. I don’t know if it’s just a women thing or if it crosses gender but we seem to hang on, holding on to what our perception of our soul mate is. And for those of us that are anal-retentive perfectionist we are definitely our worst enemies. We stay for the simple fact we cannot fail.

Luckily as one who doesn’t like to fail – I realized “getting out” of the soul mate business was actually releasing me for better things. I’m definitely much happier. And guess what? That’s where the secret lies.

We must be happy with ourselves.

If we look to others or things to give us that “happy” feeling we will always be in the search and recovery mode. And I don’t know which is worse – search or recovery. Searching has a tone of anticipation, exhilaration, and hope that the euphoria of finding our true soul mate lies just waiting for us to discover. But is it wishful hope? Recovery – well no way to sugar coat this – it’s damage control. The time we spend picking ourselves back up, piecing what we were before the slight. Do we ever truly recover? I don’t know. I guess we live in layers. Layer over layer of our life experiences, relationships, and interactions. I feel the scary outcome of past hurts is never trusting or giving love another chance. Sure for a short spell we all must retract into ourselves and live skeptically about love truly being ours to claim. But long term – we’re human and we need interaction – we all need to love and feel loved. It gives us meaningful purpose.

Admit it. The best of careers, adventures, hobbies, friends, and other things we clutter our lives with cannot replace loving someone and being loved in return. Don’t take me literally – they all serve important purposes, however, on their own they are no substitute for love. I remember asking a very driven boss years ago when all is said and done do you want on your tombstone to read “I made a lot of money but died lonely” or “I lived, I loved, I succeeded”? Even confessing that I have a less than positive view about finding ones’ soul mate – I am a hopeless romantic. I’ve changed a lot in a year’s time; since the end of my marriage – but being a hopeless romantic is one thing that will never change. Here’s an oxymoron – I’m just a keener, smarter, more realistic yet hopeless romantic. Heck we can’t control everything now can we? For those of you that are die-hard soul mate seekers – may the force be with you. Although in the end all that truly matters is that we lived our life. Sure we made some mistakes along the way – but if we never jump in we neither sink nor swim.

The key is to be an active participant in one’s life – not a spectator.

Authors Details: Tracie Ann Robinson Tracie’s Website


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