Communication in relationships
Communication in relationships directly effects the quality of your relationships. Your relationships are directly related to what you think. How and what you think actually determines the quality of your relationship. Thinking is how your mind interprets the energy around you. The energy around you is what appears to be happening in your life now.
Your mind is the tool that is used to interpret this energy. The information you receive is determined by how you interpret this energy. The quality of your information is dependent on the struggle between your ego and your higher self. Whoever has the dominant position influences your thinking towards one of the poles. The poles can be translated to one of the following,
1. Positive or negative thinking.
2. Love or fear based thinking.
3. Good or bad.
Essentially relationships are about communication. That means that you are conveying a message to someone or that you are interpreting their message to you.
You think in concepts and pictures. The pictures that you formulate are then turned into words. This is where you encounter difficulties.
You have heard the cliché, “A picture tells a thousand words.”
This statement is correct and leads to the following problems. This is why communication breaks down.
1. You get lazy and use fewer words than are necessary to convey your picture.
2. Your vocabulary has a limit and therefore your ability to translate your picture is limited.
3. Your words don’t describe your picture because you focus on your own emotional needs that arise when you interpret energy. Emotion is what drags an interpretation towards one of the poles. When you communicate this prevents you from focusing on your delivery and the feedback you receive from the other person that is essential to effective communication.
There are only two types of relationships. The relationship you have with yourself and the relationship you have with the outside world.
1. The relationship you have with yourself.
The relationship you have with yourself is based upon how you interpret what happens around you at any given time. In turn you make this interpretation based on what happened yesterday.
This means that every event is interpreted by you based on the state of your mind in the past because that’s when you interpreted the last event. You are heavily influenced by your past and all of your thinking is biased towards one of the poles.
This is great news. Every event and it’s interpretation is subjective. It can lead you to where you are going or it can take you away from your goals. You have control.
To improve the relationship with yourself you need to communicate your picture or concept to your ego in a positive way. You need to train your mind to do this. To train your mind you act on having a positive focus and you practice this. Review what has happened in the past and apply the positive focus on what is about to happen now.
Use positive affirmations to redraw your pictures. It’s that simple but it requires constant effort.
2. The relationship you have with the outside world.
The relationship you have with the outside world is identical. What happens to you is based on how you interpret the event, not what the event is. That’s why “Every cloud has a silver lining.”
If your goal is a loving relationship and you and have just parted company with your partner then this can be interpreted in two ways.
1. You can see this as negative. You have failed, you are going to be alone.
2. You can see this as good. You are one step closer to your true love, you have some much need contemplation time and you have learnt enormously empowering you with greater skills for the next relationship.
The difference is what you focus on and how you interpret the event.
If you are not in a state of awareness and several consecutive relationships end in the same way it is easy to interpret the next event with a certain bias towards the negative.
Be aware that each event is a new opportunity and you can interpret and respond as you wish.
Here is the secret!
Your relationships with the outside world are just a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself.
If you are angry, either overtly or covertly, you will find that you are surrounded by other angry people. If you are sad you will find and be attracted to other sad people. Guess what happens if you are happy? Yes, you will find yourself surrounded by other happy people.
You should really be smiling now. What you can do is simply look around and determine the quality of your existing relationships. This is the indicator of what is happening internally with you.
Whatever it is that you want to be different you need to,
1. Identify this quality.
2. Locate the quality in yourself.
3. Change the quality in yourself.
The result of this a change in your outside relationships to reflect your new inner state.
Sounds simple and I can guarantee that this will improve all your relationships dramatically. Every day is a new day. You have the ability and the opportunity to recreate you and your relationship to yourself every moment of every day. Its just a matter of
1. Your perspective.
2. A ‘yes’ response to the question are you willing to change you?
3. Action on a moment to moment, day to day basis.
Aymen Fares is an International Life Coach with clients all over the world. He is based in Melbourne Australia.
find out about his ‘Key To Life’ Manual