Attaining Enlightenment through Relationship

Relationships are difficult and challenging spiritual practices. They give us the opportunity to test our skills of communication, intimacy, authenticity, and integrity. They also give us a chance to retrieve our soul and our spirit.

Have you stopped dancing with your soul? Have you stopped letting your soul sing and express from its very heart and being? So many people have lost their song of life and their enchantment with life. When they learn to rekindle their heart song and reconnect with their life tune, they will be able to bring soul to a relationship.

Two numb and lifeless souls do not create a very fulfilling relationship. Everything we do in life is a relationship. We have a relationship with money, we have a relationship with our body, and we even have a relationship with our car. We have a relationship with everything! As humans, we are all interdependent.

True rewarding relationship is a union of two souls who connect from their life center — their spirit center. Staying in our own center and listening with our deepest inner knowing, is how we relate best. The beauty of relationship is that it awakens the mystery and magic of our soul. We are like two gods creating amazing and wonderful universes of feelings and experiences together.

Why are these magical relationships so difficult to attain? For one, the element of trust is essential. We must arrive at a place where we trust ourselves and others. We must trust the fact that we know how to handle our life and make important decisions. We must also trust the fact that our mate knows how to do the same thing.

Then, we can align our words and actions with our integrity, and expect the best. We must be reasonable in our expectations so that we don’t place unreasonable demands on our partner. Underneath it all, the only thing we all basically want is to be honored and respected exactly as we are. We want to feel safe, nurtured, and protected. We want to be validated, loved, and cherished. We also want to make our own choices and have those choices honored. We do not want to be told what to do or how to live our life.

A relationship is a mystery that is created stroke by stroke like a painting on a canvas. Each word we speak, every action we take, and each choice we make, is like a stroke on the canvas. Each day, we create a new segment of the painting, and each day, we add color, nuance, intensity, and energy. No two canvases are alike, just as no two people are alike. Relationship is a miracle. It takes us all the way back to God who created us as companions.

Every relationship we have is a reflection of the relationship we have with God. If we believe that God can love us, then we will believe that others can love us, and if we believe that we are not good enough for God to love, how will we be able to accept the love of others?

Let’s face it. Most people are not growing very much. They have distanced themselves from being challenged and stretched. They are uncomfortable with change and are afraid to take risks. They protect their vulnerability at all costs, and are unwilling to do healing work. They want quick bandages, and they rush back to the world of stress and illusions and try to carve out some basic nutrition from a dead turkey. The very evolution of our society shows the insecurity and fear of the people at large.

Our relationships reflect our insecurities. The old relationships of the past have basically been an exchange of favors — the wife has exchanged sex for security, and the husband exchanged work and being head of the household for a false sense of fulfillment. This is a marriage of two low selves, and this is the marriage of the average person.

The Relationship of the Future

The relationship of the future will be a blend of both the low self and high self. We will no longer have spouses and marriage certificates to make us feel safe; we will have partners who support our growth and encourage us to do what we love. We will have partners who encourage us to have our own power and express ourselves spontaneously and creatively. This is the relationship of the future. It is the only one that will work. As soon as we have individuals who have reached that level of maturity, we will have relationships of quality and spirit. We will have true enlightenment.

Enlightenment is self-actualization. When you are enlightened, the level of your success in life will depend upon your ability to let go of fear and insecurity and mistaken beliefs.

What is Enlightenment?

Enlightenment is not what you think. It is not about becoming something or gaining something. It is about giving up something. It is about losing or emptying; it is about emptying ourselves of our fears and our personal dragons. We can achieve enlightenment by becoming personally aware. We can achieve it by peering into our inner core and looking at the shadows and the fears. Those little inner dragons are just unloved parts of ourselves. Once we find them and love them, we can tap into their vitality and energy, and use their power in our lives. When we bring them into our heart, they are no longer dragons; they are “spirit” entities who inspire us and lead us on our heroic journey of life. When we empty our low self of its fears and trepidation, there is room for God at our core. We must be empty to be filled, and when God fills us, we become enlightened.

Authors Details: Dr. Paula Sunray

Dr. Paula Sunray has been teaching classes on personal growth and metaphysical spirituality for 17 years. She is director of the Sunray Healing Haven and National Interfaith Seminary in St. Paul, Minnesota, where she trains and teaches healers, ministers, counselors, and spiritual students in addition to maintaining her own private practice. This articles was excerpted with permission from her book Life Skills for the New Millennium Email the Author


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