How
long have we listened to people say "Oh I've found my soul
mate"! I used to be one of those believers in the whole
soulmates theory - "used to" being the operative words.
The
closest I'll even come to copping to it is kindred spirits.
I do believe that people share similar thoughts, desires,
style, etc. But to say that they're soul mates? I don't
think so. Sure I think we all would love to believe the
whole soul mate theory. I know I appear to have a negative
twist on this but it's based on practical and recurring
experiences. Soul Mates just don't exist! Or do they?……..
Nope. Not buying. Can't even rationalize the idea to myself.
In fact, writing this is somewhat twisted humor. And heck,
I've not even lived to the ripe old age of "OLD" and I know
just how much of a farce finding ones' soul mate is. It's
quite absurd.
Now
I'm one that by principle looks through life wearing the
rosiest of colored glasses but I've just had enough disillusions
surrounding soul mates. And putting the laughter aside -
it's not all that funny. As a little girl I grew up dreaming
about my knight in shining armor that was going to awaken
me from a dream with a kiss and live happily ever after.
But back to reality - we need to recognize that in a world
filled with crime, hate, pollution, starvation, kids killing
kids, and very few "they lived happily ever after, the end",
there is little room for the possibility that soul mates
exist. So what to do? Easy - don't go in search of it. I'm
not suggesting we settle either. In fact we should never
settle - it only breeds resentment. And if we're honest
and take a raw look at ourselves we'll see that perhaps
another caused the injury, but the ever-present scar is
our fault. I don't know if it's just a women thing or if
it crosses gender but we seem to hang on, holding on to
what our perception of our soul mate is. And for those of
us that are anal-retentive perfectionist we are definitely
our worst enemies. We stay for the simple fact we cannot
fail.
Luckily
as one who doesn't like to fail - I realized "getting out"
of the soul mate business was actually releasing me for
better things. I'm definitely much happier. And guess what?
That's where the secret lies.
We
must be happy with ourselves.
If
we look to others or things to give us that "happy" feeling
we will always be in the search and recovery mode. And I
don't know which is worse - search or recovery. Searching
has a tone of anticipation, exhilaration, and hope that
the euphoria of finding our true soul mate lies just waiting
for us to discover. But is it wishful hope? Recovery - well
no way to sugar coat this - it's damage control. The time
we spend picking ourselves back up, piecing what we were
before the slight. Do we ever truly recover? I don't know.
I guess we live in layers. Layer over layer of our life
experiences, relationships, and interactions. I feel the
scary outcome of past hurts is never trusting or giving
love another chance. Sure for a short spell we all must
retract into ourselves and live skeptically about love truly
being ours to claim. But long term - we're human and we
need interaction - we all need to love and feel loved. It
gives us meaningful purpose.
Admit
it. The best of careers, adventures, hobbies, friends, and
other things we clutter our lives with cannot replace loving
someone and being loved in return. Don't take me literally
- they all serve important purposes, however, on their own
they are no substitute for love. I remember asking a very
driven boss years ago when all is said and done do you want
on your tombstone to read "I made a lot of money but died
lonely" or "I lived, I loved, I succeeded"? Even confessing
that I have a less than positive view about finding ones'
soul mate - I am a hopeless romantic. I've changed a lot
in a year's time; since the end of my marriage - but being
a hopeless romantic is one thing that will never change.
Here's an oxymoron - I'm just a keener, smarter, more realistic
yet hopeless romantic. Heck we can't control everything
now can we? For those of you that are die-hard soul mate
seekers - may the force be with you. Although in the end
all that truly matters is that we lived our life. Sure we
made some mistakes along the way - but if we never jump
in we neither sink nor swim.
The
key is to be an active participant in one's life - not a
spectator.
Here
is more information about Soulmates
(Soulmates
and true love)
(Soulmates
our magic mirror)
