Building Self Esteem
Often in our society, we are
bombarded with the lives of celebrities. We can end up feeling
that if we are not part of the rich and famous, our lives
are insignificant. Our society also sends a message of competition
and achievement. We watch sports, we always hear about profit
and the bottom line being the dollar, we see large companies
competing and constantly buying each other out.
The result often is that we
are taught to see how well we are doing, in terms of how pretty
we are, how bright we are, what kind of house we have, how
well we do in sports, what rewards we receive. However, in
reality, these are external measures. Each of us needs to
develop a sense of self-worth, a capacity for positive self-regard
that comes from within.
Here is an example: Sara was
divorced and felt in many ways that she had shortchanged her
two daughters, in the sense that they lived on very little
money. She could shower few luxuries on them. At times, in
her therapy, she talked to me about feeling that she was not
much good at anything. Her husband had been abusive both physically
and mentally, and had put her down almost constantly. Although
she no longer lived with him, inside of herself she still
carried feelings of worthlessness.
One day I asked her to review
some of the best moments in her childhood. She said, “I always
loved when Uncle Sam used to come over, and we all sang songs.”
I asked her if she did anything like that now, with her girls.
She said that they often sang together in the car. In fact,
she had taught them many of the songs that Uncle Sam had taught
her. I asked her if she realized that she was offering her
girls some of the wonderful family memories that were unique
to her as a child. She said she hadn't thought about it, but
it was certainly true. During months of therapy, we worked
again and again in recognizing many valuable aspects of herself.
Needless to say, her self-esteem began to improve. Sara is
an example for all of us, in the sense that each person has
to document his or her own positive talents and strengths.
We have to learn to pat ourselves
on the back. To help you, I suggest a self-pride list. During
the coming week, write down at least one item a day that you
can take pride in having handled well. For example, I was
polite and kind to several people in the supermarket checkout
line, even though I was tired. Or, I used my head, rather
than my fist, and really shared with my son my concerns over
his getting another traffic ticket.
At the end of the week, read
over your self-pride list, giving yourself a mental hug, or
the high five sign. This is the beginning of giving yourself
more recognition, which will in time lead to an improved sense
of self worth. It is only with this improved sense of self-esteem
that you can have the confidence to make sure that your life
is filled with enchantment.
| Authors Details: Dr. Barbara Becker
Holstein Web
Site |
More Articles On Self Esteem
(Building
Self Esteem)
(Improving Low Self Esteem)
(Self-Esteem: You Are Not Who You Think You Are) |
