Accepting Criticism
Many highly intelligent motivated
professionals let their habitual emotional reactions get in
the way of learning. Even some of us who say we relish constructive
criticism can have strong emotional reactions when we receive
negative feedback about our attitudes and behavior. It is
easy to become defensive and shut out what others have to
tell us.
Hard truths about our personality
and behavior often generate emotions that block the impetus
for change. We feel vulnerable when confronted by personal
flaws or shortcomings and, in that state, some of us are unable
to take a constructive approach to identifying the solutions
that will make us more successful and satisfied. This may
be especially true if the input or feedback you receive is
surprising to you and you are taken aback.
Constructive Problem-Solving
People commonly exhibit three emotional reactions to feedback
that interfere with their ability to learn from it: rather
than accept responsibility for our behavior, we often ignore,
deny, or blame someone or something else. These defensive
reactions are so second nature that you may not be aware you
are responding defensively to feedback. But it is important
to understand that any of these three emotional reactions
will prevent you from learning from feedback and using constructive
problem-solving methods to improve.
Each of these emotional reactions
is described below, and while you read through the descriptions,
think whether these emotional reactions play a role in your
psychological defenses. Do you try to ignore feedback about
areas you need to develop? Do you find that you would rather
deny than confront issues in your life? Have others ever said
to you that you find someone or something to blame rather
than reflect on your role in problems or difficult situations?
What events need to occur for you to move to acceptance of
the validity of feedback about your developmental needs? What
are the psychological mechanisms that have historically interfered
with your ability both to accept full responsibility for your
counterproductive behavior and to create the foundation to
constructively solve how to change your behavior to be more
effective at work?
IGNORE
Ignorance might be bliss for some matters, but when you are
looking at your personality and behavior, ignorance is not
bliss. Without insight into your attitudes and behaviors,
you are stuck with unconsciously repeating them -- whether
they work well for you or not. Consider the differences between
your ordinary work behaviors and how you might work on an
important project or job assignment. When you are assigned
important projects, you apply your intelligence, education,
and experience and may consult with your peers to ensure the
best possible outcome. You make a conscious effort to apply
all your business smarts and technical knowledge to make sure
the job is done right. Contrast this with your everyday approach
to work. For most people, their work behaviors are more often
the result of unconscious processes -- habits -- than of carefully
crafted efforts. Illogical as it may be, people tend to ignore
(or blame others for) past failures and problems and simply
repeat what has not worked for them in the past.
People seldom apply their
intelligence, education, experience, or a peer review process
to their behavioral repertoire. It is the rare individual
whose work behavior is the result of a methodical, thoughtful,
critiqued effort. Because most people do not make conscious
behavioral choices, they "default," or revert, to
personality-driven habits, many of which are counterproductive.
Peter Ustinov said, "Once
we are destined to live out our lives in the prison of our
mind, our one duty is to furnish it well." This thought
certainly can be applied to your behavior at work. Since you
are destined to spend many, many hours in your place of work,
it is in your best interests to perform well, to figure out
what behaviors work and which do not and then apply that knowledge
in your work life. That essentially is the task here: to understand
your attitudes and behaviors, then choose to demonstrate those
behaviors that help you to be more productive and satisfied
at work and to learn to suppress those that are counterproductive.
Easier said than done.
Unless a special effort is
made to avoid it, you will lapse into old habits -- especially
in familiar situations like your workplace. Your job, if you
wish to increase your ability to succeed and feel satisfied,
is to gain control of counterproductive habits through sheer
force of reason and will, through a conscious, disciplined
effort to change your behavior (for those of you who cannot
handle the concept of change, because it just feels TOO BIG,
try expressions like modify or moderate instead of the word
change).
Changing your behavior requires
that you think about how your personality traits affect the
way you communicate, collaborate, set goals, deal with conflict,
and feel about things. These issues are complex, but be reassured
that even slight behavior modifications can mean the difference
between success and failure. And remember: ignoring problems
will ultimately be more painful than finding the solution
to them.
DENY
Denial takes two forms. The first is to refute the validity
of the feedback on your behavior and the second is to accept
the validity of the feedback but refute that in your case
the behavior is counterproductive. According to the first
type of denial, a person might say, "I don't think I'm
pushy," and, following the second type, someone might
say, "I'm pushy, but that's the only way to get anything
done around here."
The second form of denial
is to agree that counterproductive traits are prominent in
your personality makeup but deny that they have a negative
impact on your performance. This is common among people who
have attained some success as a result of their intelligence
and technical skills. Their history of success makes it easier
to discount the importance of their personality traits in
their human-capital equation. For instance, very aggressive,
pushy people may excuse their always-on-the-offense style
by saying, "that's what got me where I am today,"
thinking they are commenting on their success, when in fact
their intelligence and hard work is what brought some success
while their hostility likely brought them high blood pressure
and bad relationships.
BLAME
Blame is expressed in three familiar forms: self-blame, blame
of others, and blame on outside influences in the world. Self-blame,
guilt, is a very popular form. It does no good to feel guilty
about your personality and behavior styles unless this awareness
leads to change. Guilt alone has no benefit, so if you feel
compelled to take a dip in the pool of self-pity, make it
brief. While it is important and constructive to be aware
of your flaws and shortcomings, becoming preoccupied with
them serves no useful purpose and is in fact destructive.
Many people focus too much
on their negative attributes and feel diminished by the presence
of any counterproductive traits; what is most beneficial,
however, is to maintain a balanced perspective on both strengths
and weaknesses. Perfection is an unattainable ideal, but improvement
is possible. Accept that you are imperfect and get on with
it.
The second form of blame is
the often used, frequently abused, blame of others. Perhaps
because 75 percent of your coworkers have counterproductive
personality styles, it is easy to see them as prime targets
for blame. The fact that 75 percent of workers have personality
problems that they carry with them to work means a stressful
work environment, and under stressful conditions some people
place blame on others. However, you must gently remind yourself
that blame doesn't solve the problem, it only displaces it.
Besides, I know of very few people who can actually have an
impact on changing a coworker's personality or behavior. But,
you can certainly change your own. When you master your own
behavior, your relationships with others will improve and
perhaps your more positive interactions will serve as an impetus
for coworkers to make improvements as well.
The final form of blame is
the familiar tendency to blame outside influences in the world
for problems. Your work situation, company politics, family
stress, the economy -- these are just a few outside influences
that are common targets of blame. Often there are truly legitimate
issues, problems, and irritations that the external world
generates. But, your goal is not to change the external world
-- an impossible task -- but to master your own attitudes
and behaviors in the world in which you must operate effectively.
One key to more successfully negotiating your way in a stressful
world is for you to understand how you respond to stress and
then to change or moderate your responses to better cope in
a stressful world.
| Authors Details: Accepting Criticism
- is excerpted from The Achievement Paradox - Ronald A.
Warren, Ph.D Web
Site |
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