Radical Forgiveness
Alex Paterson reviews Colin Tipping's healing technique.
In June 2000 I attended a Radical Forgiveness
workshop conducted by Colin Tipping at the Relaxation Centre
in Brisbane. The workshop was based Tipping's book, Radical
Forgiveness. Below are a few random notes I made at the
time about the workshop. Although these notes were made
for myself, I have decided to post them online unedited
as an introduction for others into Radical Forgiveness.
Tipping's Radical Forgiveness techniques
had a powerful (and positive) effect on me personally and
I recommend the technique to anyone seeking to heal the
shadow aspects of their psyche and rebuild their relationships
with others. For a thorough understanding of the technique
it is recommended you obtain and read a copy of Tipping's
book 'Radical Forgiveness'.
Radical Forgiveness
Radical Forgiveness is an extension of the primary truth underlying
all reality, namely that everything in the Universe is an
expression of a singularity which I choose to call Source
and most others call God, and as such everything in the Universe
is interconnected.
Radical Forgiveness is based
upon the simple premise that the 'dark' or shadow aspects
of our psyche which we need to acknowledge and heal are reflected
for us in those who have significant impact on our lives -
be they lovers, spouse, work colleagues, children, parents,
friends, mentors or so called enemies. As Tipping quite rightly
pointed out: "if you spot it (a behaviour trait) in others,
then you have got it. (yourself)."
The key word in the above
statement is 'acknowledge'. Whenever we try to deny something
we don't like by pretending it does not exist in us, we invalidate
it. To invalidate means "to render having no effect",
but the great irony is that as soon as we attempt to invalidate
something it immediately demands attention to be validated.
The reason for this is simple. Invalidation by definition
is an attempt to separate out that which one wishes to invalidate
from those aspects we choose to acknowledge. From the perspective
of the essential 'ONENESS' pervading the Universe, separation
is an illusory 'artificial' state requiring a huge amount
of energy to maintain. When we suppress something by invalidating
it, we think the issue has gone away, but this is a delusion
because the issue will inevitably reappear at some stage to
be acknowledged and validated and this process cannot be avoided.
Invalidation is a bit like trying to stop the flow of a stream;
it can be achieved for a little while, but eventually the
weight of water builds up and overwhelms us and continues
to flow in accordance with the natural law of balance.
Definitions
The following definitions are important and need to be clearly
understood.
Invalidate: Definition: To
render invalid which means to render something "having
no effect". (Source: Websters Dictionary 1898)
Judgement: Definition: The
act of judging involving the comparison and merit of a thing
or question. Source: Oxford Dictionary
Discernment: Definition: The
act of discerning which is to perceive clearly with the mind
or the senses. Source: Oxford Dictionary
Note: There is no value judgement associated with the act
of 'Discernment', as opposed to 'Judgement'. Alex Paterson
2000
Relationships
At our essence we are energy expressed as LOVE and love expresses
itself as an urge towards Unity.
When two people meet and are
attracted to each other, energy (which is love) begins to
flow between them and they experience the emotion of fraternity
and in some cases, falling in love. Initially, this flow is
unrestricted because the people involved do not judge each
other, but with the passage of time one or both of them invariably
begin to apply judgement about the other person. As defined
above, judgement is a form of discernment in which our Ego
consciousness applies 'value' or 'merit' to the different
aspects of the thing we are discerning. However, this thinking
is fatally flawed as everything in the Universe is a manifestation
of SOURCE and despite the perception of separation that is
fundamental to experience in this realm (i.e. the Physical
Universe ), nothing is ever really separate from anything
else and as such everything is of equal validity and value.
The moment the Ego assigns value to something over and above
something else by judging it, it invalidates all the aspects
of so called 'lesser' value which creates disharmony (dis-harmony)
resulting in an energy blockage. Thus, instead of the energy
flowing freely between two people in a relationship, it begins
to spiral back in on itself in order to heal the disharmony.
This process manifests itself as emotions of fear, distrust
and separation. It is from the perception of separation that
we then create our victim stories in which we allege the other
person or persons "did something to us". The truth
of course, is that we manifested the whole process in co-operation
with the soul (or souls) of the other people involved in the
drama for the purpose of healing the shadow aspects of our
psyche, which have been mirrored by the others involved in
the drama for us. (more on this later)
At its essence, Radical Forgiveness
is about reminding ourselves that we are not really separate
from our Source (God), and that we are entirely responsible
for the circumstances we find ourselves in. It is from the
perspective of this universal truth that our ego 'victim stories'
are revealed to be the nonsense that they really are, and
once reminded of this 'truth', the victim story then collapses.
Radical Forgiveness healing
technique
Colin Tipping's Radical Forgiveness healing technique is elegantly
simple.
Tell the story. The story
is the Ego's perception of the situation. The story is the
energy associated with the blockage. The story needs to be
witnessed by someone without interruption in order to validate
it. Validation is at the crux of the issue. By definition,
invalidation is an attempt by the Ego to create a form of
separation, which in reality is an impossible task because
absolutely nothing can possibly be separated from its SOURCE,
that being God. It is because of this that anything that has
been invalidated by the Ego (which is part and parcel of the
illusory perception of Separation) requires an inordinate
amount of energy to maintain that state of affairs because
it is an artificial, illusory state of Being.
NOTE: Judgement, and the invalidation that goes with it, is
the main reason most humans die of degenerative diseases (dis-ease)
at the present 'time', but I digress .... (AP)
Feel the Feelings (emotions)
associated with the story, be they anger, hurt, rage, etc.
This is very important because this is the point of power.
Then...
Collapse the story using the
Radical Forgiveness worksheet or some other technique. The
Radical Forgiveness worksheet is but just one technique in
which one applies effort and intent towards honestly addressing
the situation at hand through the auspices of writing about
it. The worksheet leads one to acknowledge and 'own' the situation
- to recognise that one is entirely responsible for the situation
at hand.
Note: As one becomes more adept in 'owning' the situations
confronting us (by accepting our responsibility for them),
one can dispense with tools like the Radical Forgiveness worksheet
and just cut to the essence of the process by simply giving
thought to the situation in an honest manner .
Perform a Radical Forgiveness
reframe of the situation. This shifts the perception from
one of Ego separation (victim story) to a recognition as to
the essential Oneness of all reality and a recognition of
the perfection associated with the event. At the heart of
Radical Forgiveness is the recognition (and acceptance) that
we are all entirely responsible for the situations we find
ourselves in - that we have undoubtedly 'created' the experiences
(good or bad) confronting us for a reason. (that reason is
always associated with the Soul's inexorable drive for self
realisation) In other words, we don't change the event itself,
we just change our perception and beliefs around it.
Integrate it. We hold our
story in every aspect of our bodies, so we must integrate
our new story into our whole Being.
NOTE 1: One does not need to believe in 'Radical Forgiveness'
for the technique to work. As Tipping quite rightly advises
"just fake it till you make it."
NOTE 2: The effect of performing
a Radical Forgiveness reframe of a situation is often immediate.
Tipping related an anecdote that illustrates this point. A
client of his was still bitter years after the event about
being out negotiated by a business associate of hers over
some intellectual property she had created. As the business
associate said to her when she complained about the poor nature
of the deal to her, "business is business and as a businessman
I'm ruthless". Tipping suggested they perform a Radical
Forgiveness reframe of the situation to which she readily
agreed. After performing the reframe she drove back to her
hotel, only to find a message on her answering machine from
the very same former business partner wishing to renew the
contract pertaining to the intellectual property in question.
(she had forgotten that the original deal had a sunset clause
in it) A check of the date/time stamp on the answering machine
revealed that he had made his call to her literally one minute
after the Radical Forgiveness reframe had been completed!
Needless to say she drove a very hard bargain this time around
which more than compensated for her 'losses' associated with
the original deal. As she said to him when it came time to
sign the new deal "business is business", something
he quite happily agreed with. (presumably, he had some respect
for her this time around)
NOTE 3: Once we begin to heal
and process the shadow aspects of ourselves reflected by the
other person, the state of the relationship between those
involved has served its purpose and the relationship can either
move on to a new level, or end.
NOTE 4: As we heal shadow
bits of our psyche, more suppressed shadow bits begin to rise
up from our subconscious in order to be processed. In other
words, the road actually gets harder commensurate with our
capacity to handle it. Fortunately, we find that with practice
we start to get good at dealing with the issues rising up
before us and then the 'Game' starts to become fun. Just like
a good baseball player, we start to look forward to confronting
the pitcher and dealing with whatever he or she serves up
to us.
Miscellaneous Points
• The Universe is a manifestation of the consciousness
of a single infinite entity we call God. The scientific evidence
in support of this concept is actually overwhelming at a Quantum
Physics level. In fact, at a Quantum Physics level there is
no evidence in support of the Universe comprising separate
'bits' of matter - all the evidence to date points to the
Universe comprising a unified field of energy. The manifestation
of God in the Physical Universe is consciousness in the form
of energy. Physical matter is just 'slowed down' energy. Emotions
are a form of Energy we store in our bodies. (We have many
'bodies' or levels of being, the densest being our physical
body)
• We are spiritual beings
having a physical incarnation in this realm for the purpose
of experiencing emotions, especially those emotions associated
with the perception of separation and re-connection. Apparently,
the emotions we experience in this realm have no real counterpart
anywhere else in creation and as such souls are queuing up
to experience this realm, despite the misery, pain and heaviness
that is part and parcel of experience in this realm at the
present 'time'.
NOTE: There is no such thing
as 'time'. (a paradox)
• We come into this
realm forgetting who we really are (i.e. that we are an individualised
aspect of Source) to add realism and excitement to the perception
of separation associated with this realm. It would appear
that unfortunately the 'virtual reality' that is this realm
is so 'real' that most humans have become stuck in it. Thus,
most humans no longer have any clue as to their true nature
- that they are an inseparable aspects of Source - and perceive
themselves to be truly separate and cast out by God. (e.g.
Christianity) Many humans are so lost in the 'game' that they
no longer even believe in the existence of the Creator. (e.g.
Western culture)
NOTE 1: Apparently most souls
incarnating here for the first time don't really believe it
is possible to lose sight of their real identity in this realm
(i.e. that they are an inseparable aspect of God) as there
is no real counterpart to the perception of separation anywhere
else in the Universe.
NOTE 2: Colin Tipping told
an anecdote about a discarnate entity who entered the physical
body of a compliant human for the purpose of healing work
and was heard by those witnessing the healing session (which
included Colin) to exclaim in a rather shocked tone "how
real it all seemed" and that it (the entity) now understood
why humans have become "stuck in this realm".
NOTE 3: Colin Tipping recounted
the story where some clients of his brought home their new
born baby from hospital and their three (3) year old daughter
insisted on being allowed to spend some time alone with the
new born baby. They agreed to this request because they were
able to monitor the event using a baby monitor. The three
(3) year old child was heard to approach the baby and say.
"Please baby, remind me about God because I'm beginning
to forget"
• We invoke everything
that happens to us in this realm. There are always reasons
for the circumstances we find ourselves in, meaning there
are no such things as 'accidents', and those reasons are associated
with our spiritual growth. We do not need to consciously know
exactly why we have invoked the circumstances we find ourselves
in - the reasons will reveal themselves at the proper time
- we just need to remember and accept that we are the authors
of our story and get on with it. Most humans don't understand
or accept any of these truths, which why there is so much
pain and suffering in the world at the moment.
Pain is not really an emotion
- it is a resistance to feeling associated with fear. The
fear is associated with our failure to understand that we
create our circumstances (in conjunction with others in our
'play') for the purpose of spiritual growth and as such we
are entirely responsible for the same. Ironically, most humans
spend an inordinate amount of time ranting and raving against
circumstances they themselves have created, instead of seeking
to understand why they created the circumstances in the first
place.
Tipping recounted a story
where he was conducting a workshop for people with life threatening
diseases. One of the attendees was a woman in her early forties
who had breast cancer. The woman was seething with anger about
her circumstances. Apart from the breast cancer, a significant
'irritant' in her life was the behaviour of her twenty something
year old daughter, who was in the eyes of this woman "hanging
around with unsuitable men and not staying at home helping
me defeat my disease". At the end of the workshop Tipping
had the attendees carry out a breath meditation and then discuss
what happened during the meditation. As Tipping recounted
"I could tell the angry woman had gone deep because she
went very quiet, so I left her till last." When it came
time for the woman to recount what had happened to her the
class fell silent. The woman said in a very quiet voice "I
don't know what happened, but I found myself out in 'there'
in Universe with my daughter. We performed a beautiful dance
around each other looking into each other's eyes and there
was tremendous love between us - it was a beautiful experience.
Then we suddenly sat down and my daughter said "look
we have got to resolve this thing once and for all - who is
going to be mother this time?". It would appear it didn't
matter who played mother. The woman then said "I can't
explain it, but I have a completely different feeling towards
my daughter now - my anger towards her has completely gone."
Tipping advised the woman to say nothing about what had occured
during the meditation when she got home and "just see
what happens". Two days after the woman returned home,
the daughter arrived unannounced at her mother's doorstep
with her bags. The daughter had 'sacked' all the boyfriends
and moved in with her mother. The woman and her daughter then
proceeded to have an extraordinarily rich relationship over
the next five years, at the end of which the mother experienc
ed a painless death. (presumably because the issues underlying
the incarnation had b een resolved and there was no purpose
to the woman's 'life' continuing)
• This realm would appear
to be very rare in that those souls partaking of it have free
will, and that within the rules of the 'game', anything goes.
Souls in this realm are the 'thrill seekers' of creation so
to speak who have volunteered to experience this realm for
that reason. By definition GOD is perfection and as such the
Universe always remains in a perfect state of 'balance'. One
of the immutable rules of the game in this realm is that any
imbalance we create associated with our perception of separation
must be re-balanced, via a process known as 'Karma'.
NOTE: I sense that Karma is
a very sophisticated process and the notion that we simply
incarnate to experience what we inflicted upon others in an
earlier incarnation is an overly simplistic and naive interpretation
of the process. I also suspect the concept of 'Grace' can
somehow fast track the Karmic realignment process, but that
could be wishful thinking on my behalf. (AP)
• Our EGO is the everyday
consciousness we are aware of within this realm associated
with our 'present' incarnation. As mentioned earlier, our
Ego consciousness is by necessity of limited awareness as
to its real identity (i.e. that it is an inseparable aspect
of God) for the purpose of adding realism and a sense of adventure
to those partaking of experience in this realm. Our Ego would
appear to be an amalgam of some aspects of other incarnations
we have chosen to bring with us into our 'current' incarnation,
characteristics of the genetics (DNA) associated with the
body we have chosen to incarnate in, and our experiences within
this realm (i.e. our upbringing and life experiences in the
present incarnation). On the other hand the psyche (soul)
of most humans remains relatively unconscious to our waking
'ego' consciousness in this realm, but whispers to us through
our emotions, gut feelings and our conscience. (e.g. the Soul
is the 'voice' that whispers to us "I shouldn't have
done that") Spiritual awakening is all about getting
in touch with our soul from within this realm and allowing
it into our waking everyday consciousness. Whilst the physical
brain is the store house of information for our ego to operate
with in this realm, that information (and our ego consciousness)
survives physical death as anyone who has had a near death
experience can attest.
NOTE 1: As Colin Tipping quite
rightly noted, our Ego holds a huge sway of votes as to how
we think and act in this realm, but its perception of reality
is dangerously flawed. (It should be remembered that it is
only 500 years (or eight lifetimes) since most humans believed
the Earth was flat and anyone who had the temerity to think
otherwise was invariably burnt at the stake!)
NOTE 2: Our ego consciousness
does not emanate from our physical brain, as evidenced by
those who can go Out of Body (OBE) or who have experienced
a Near Death Experience (NDE). The brain is just an organ,
like any other organ in the human body used by a soul to 'filter'
our awareness down to within the confines and 'rules' of this
realm. When we think about it, this is logical as all reality
is simply a manifestation of consciousness anyway.
• Because we have free
will, our Soul (the God essence of our Being that always remains
consciously connected to SOURCE) does not have direct control
over our Ego consciousness. Because of this 'rule' the GAME
is structured such that we attract into our physical lives
those who display (mirror) the 'shadow' aspects of ourselves
we wish to heal (transmute). As Colin Tipping quite rightly
quipped; "if you spot it (in others) you've got it"
(meaning if we become upset by something another human being
does or displays, then we can rest assured that that is a
shadow aspect of our psyche we have come into this realm to
heal)
• This realm is really
just a dream so to speak. (the ultimate virtual reality) From
time to time we are given glimpses of our true essence via
spiritual experiences from within this realm for the purpose
of keeping us going. In other words, the veil is pulled aside
slightly from time to time so we don't completely lose sight
of our essence. (I consider my experiences of the Void and
NDE as examples of this sort of thing. AP)
• We are all co-creating
the virtual reality that is the physical Universe. Spirit
has designed the Game to be so realistic that we must experience
what we have put in place. The 'Game' itself never stops,
(time itself is an illusion) but once we understand the game
and the rules (which we are all co-creating) we can move through
it with levity and fun.
• Because human souls
have free will, here is no compulsion on humans to wake up
as to their true identity and move on. However, it would appear
that the souls involved in this realm eventually get sick
and tired of the pain, suffering and heaviness associated
with the karmic debt incurred whilst playing the 'game' and
then experience an urge to progress beyond this realm towards
a conscious reconnection with their essence (GOD). (I consider
myself in this category. Alex Paterson 2000)
• From the human perspective
within this realm practically everything is wrong in the world
at the moment, with evil occurring everywhere. (e.g. there
are at least 40 wars occurring at this very moment, along
with a level of environmental degradation that threatens our
very existence on Earth etc.) However, from the perspective
of spirit everything is perfect and nothing 'bad' is really
happening; just the unfolding of a divine plan (game) in which
each and everyone of us are part architect. (It defies 'logic'
and I can't really explain it, but I have a sense all is well.
Alex Paterson 2000)
• I suspect the main
purpose of many of us in this realm at the present 'time'
is to seek a re-connection with our essence from within this
realm. (i.e. bring "heaven to earth" so to speak)
• A couple of weeks
after this workshop I met a man in a bookshop. He made two
statements which cut to the essence of 'Radical Forgiveness'.
Everything we experience in
our lives is entirely about us and no one else.
The people we meet in life
who have some effect on us mirror for us aspects of our souls
we need to address and heal.
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